...so i touched it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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