first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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