ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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