There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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