Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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