Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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