Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
