walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
