I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
