His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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