Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
