I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
