just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
