Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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