Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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