I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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