She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
