i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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