Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz