I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.