Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts. http://tfl.nu/etp3
  Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47304) Bad night (2295)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/3yj1
  Replies (10) Good night (5585) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/grua
  Replies (20) Good night (2762) Bad night (4430)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
  Replies (21) Good night (7048) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming. http://tfl.nu/lyy1
  Replies (27) Good night (2860) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night. http://tfl.nu/wvak
  Replies (9) Good night (4270) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair... http://tfl.nu/dvxl
  Replies (4) Good night (2212) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year http://tfl.nu/08f9
  Replies (2) Good night (1131) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though. http://tfl.nu/x1vh
  Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears. http://tfl.nu/jlvi
  Replies (8) Good night (1709) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit. http://tfl.nu/en3h
  Replies (2) Good night (1385) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.

  (1+61): View more from

  Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover. (1+61): Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer. http://tfl.nu/so7s
  Replies (5) Good night (1648) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself. http://tfl.nu/ezc4
  Replies (9) Good night (1408) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows. http://tfl.nu/xsuo
  Replies (7) Good night (2501) Bad night (365)

Randomize