I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
