i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
