all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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