Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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