ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
