I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
