Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
