it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
