sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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