she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
