It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
