you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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