Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
