I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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