Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
