So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
