Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
