we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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