i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
