I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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