I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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