Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
