we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
