She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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