Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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