There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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