I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
