Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
