They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
