I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
