i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
