I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
