when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
