dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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