my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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