So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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