that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
