discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
