Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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