We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
tell me about the fingering
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
