She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
