Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
