The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
