whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
