if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
