so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
