i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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