the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
