is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
