that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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