Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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