just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
