So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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