I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
