You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
