you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
