So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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