somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
