i just had sex bonerless
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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