A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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