someone owes me an orgasm
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
