Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
