I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway