apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?