Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
