her vagine was all disorganized.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
