I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine