i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We had to coat check the pizza.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??