I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.