i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
