she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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