i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball