hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?