I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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