Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We're too hungover to prance.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
