remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
