R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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