So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
