Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
