Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
